Shielding myself from the brighter side

I am once again brushing myself off after being knocked down by a bully in this playground called life.

I have to admit that I am getting a bit tired of receiving life’s jabs.

Similar to the way I discovered I have scoliosis, my latest altercation occurred much by accident and was brought on by a bit of vanity on my part.

For several months, I have had red, raw, flaky, and basically unattractive skin under and surrounding my nose. I look like I have had a cold for the past 4 months.

I have had similar issues with my skin decades ago when I was in college. I initially thought that the stress of my brief employment caused the dreaded dermatitis from my college days to appear once again. After two months of unemployed bliss, my rash remained and I decided it was time for some action.

I made an appointment with a dermatologist.

When I made the appointment, I explained my vanity issue and I also stated that I would like a skin check as I enjoy being outdoors, sometimes miss spots with the sunscreen, and as I am a Dalmatian (quite pale and covered with spots: freckles and moles), I realize the importance of yearly mole checks.

Due to the secondary reason of my visit, I got to meet the dermatologist dressed fashionably in a paper gown which is always a good start to an appointment.

The discussion about my face was quick and succinct and involved a really “cool” pocket magnifying glass. She didn’t think it was the dreaded disease of the past, but a new “high likelihood of reoccurring” disease that will be cured in a matter of weeks when I use the “very expensive not covered by my insurance as my diagnosis is considered a purely cosmetic issue” cream.

As we discussed the treatment of my perpetual “cold” face, the doctor began the skin check. I felt it was going rather well as she made it through my scalp and face rather quickly.

Then, as it went south, it all went south.

The doctor had to leave the room to get her skin marker -the one that is used to circle/mark suspicious spots. Then, copious use of the “not so cool now” magnifying glass began. After I was all scanned and done, there were three moles, according to the doctor, that were no longer welcome to reside on my body ~ two on my back, one on my abdomen two inches lower than my bellybutton – a place the sun has never kissed.

These moles, while they were not displaying all the traits of the really bad kind of moles, you know "gang" moles; they were not cute and cuddly. They were somewhat in-between ~kind of like ferrets.

Quick as a wink, I am signing consent for biopsy forms and filling out a sunny yellow (how ironic is that?) postcard that will be sent to me in 10 to 12 days if moles are in fact cute and cuddly and just looked tough. My spots were named and numbed. Razor blades were drawn. Skin was cauterized and my rogue moles were put in vials to be whisked away to the lab. Minutes later, as I am inhaling the scent of my burned skin, I am clinically bandaged, told not to swim until the biopsy sites are healed (approximately a week), and sent on home……. to wait.

Now that I have actually time to process what happened, I am a bit scared.

I am using much restraint to not don sweatpants and dive headfirst into pints of Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby and eat myself into a comfort induced coma.

Although, I did indulge a bit after my appointment and wore sweatpants the next day as jeans irritate my new second navel. I promise those behaviors are not the norm.

Mr. Spie kindly tells me that “Everything Will Be Alright”, but I really don’t need a reggae song, I really need a statistician as odds will be more comforting to me than crooning.

As this story ends, I, once again, have extra time to think as I am not able to complete all my workouts.

And because every story must have a happy ending, in my free time I have come up with a list of "positives"

1. Not swimming is better for the treatment of my face and my face is looking better -- perhaps it is because I am putting something that costs more than gold on it.


2. No doubled up workout days for a while means more sleep.


3. I am lighter now.


4. Parts of me are newer.


5. I now will not have to deal with the pressure of being a swimsuit model.

In the meantime, I wait. In addition to coming up with more positives, I am going to work on keeping my sunny* disposition and lose myself in the rhythm of everyday life or perhaps, Bob Marley.

*but not too sunny as we have learned, too much sun is not a good thing.

Sweet Relief and a cruise (or two or three)

This past week I finally have returned to running. My mechanic/chiropractor (probably be-grudgingly) gave me the thumbs up to take the body out for a spin (run) this week while she is on vacation. (Her vacation = my sweet relief). I promised not to go crazy and drag race. She said that it probably would feel weird, like I was driving another person's vehicle.

All during the time I have been visiting her, I have to admit I have been still a skeptic. How is it possible that she is moving my spine with the little "pinger" gun? With each of my attempts (two) to solve my pain the rear problem, I decided that I would trust and follow the rules for the initial course of treatment. My initial chiropractic plan was for a month of treatment. I would give it a month and re-evaluate.

On Thursday of last week, I finally broke out the Asics and took them for a spin. During the midst of my euphoria I realized two things.

1. My gait is different. It feels weird. Perhaps the doctor really was moving my spine with each "ping".

2. I don't have the pain in my rear. I DON'T HAVE THE PAIN IN MY REAR!

My gait is truly different and I have been working on building my base and getting accustomed to the new gait. I land, roll, and push off on a different part of my foot now. Soon, I am going to have my gait reanalyzed to make sure that I still am wearing appropriate shoes as I would hate to be sidelined with another injury.

Each time I think about realization #2, I tear up a little. It has been at least 8 months since I have run without pain in my rear. It was a running companion that I did not want to have. This is not to say that I am not running pain free, as new muscles are being recruited during my runs and they, frankly, do not like being awoken from their slumber.

Although I realize that my body work is not quite done, I am happy that my mechanic lets me take her out for a spin every once in a while and with each mile I log and each hour spent in the body shop, I know that I am moving closer to my destination. (with undoubtedly some stops for baked goods on the way -- you know, for fuel!)

No Longer Under Warranty

I fear that I am no longer operating under warranty. I know that I have well exceeded my 100,000 miles. My everyday vehicle is showing signs of wear and it is very frustrating.

I am the first to admit that I probably haven’t been as diligent as I should have with my preventative maintenance. Sure, I went to the mechanic when it was acting up, but as for regular oil changes, tire rotation, and the other things that race cars need…Well, I must admit I did not follow the standard maintenance procedures. I have spent many years just testing the limits and pushing the gears, not really concerned about possible wear and tear down the road.

Perhaps, that is why I am having problems today. I have been having the various knocks and bumps checked out when I put my vehicle through its paces, but never considered that something structural was the cause of my performance issues. Here I was just hoping to get a wheel alignment and now, as my previous post has revealed, I have just discovered that my frame is bent.

There really is no option to trade it for a newer model, and frankly I wouldn’t want to. It has too many memories attached to it. I know the story for every ding and scratch. It has carried four passengers safely to their destination. It is worn and comfortable, and up until as of late, quite predictable.

I have spent two weeks being angry at my vehicle. Upset that it has some serious structural damage and frustrated that I have been asked to not take it around the track for a while. I have been irritated that this imperfection had been hidden from me and annoyed at the problems that my bent frame has caused.

As my mechanic diligently works to minimize any performance issues due to my structural problems (as the frame cannot be completely straightened), I am cross. I can no longer function comfortably in my vehicle. It no longer feels like it fits. The contentment is gone and when it left, it took my power with it leaving me with a misfiring engine which is no longer able to produce the power it was just a mere two weeks ago.

I started to rue the day that I even took it to the mechanic. Friends, relatives, and my mechanic have assured me that my vehicle, although it still will have a bent frame, will run better than before. It will be more fuel efficient and my power will return. Perhaps it will even be faster. But, lately, I have started to doubt as I travel through each day which a vehicle that stutters and stops, lurches and sways.

Then today, I decided to look at my vehicle with a different perspective. Rather than viewing that it has let me down. I am starting to realize that perhaps it is the exact opposite.

My vehicle, which frame was bent more than 20 years ago, has worked hard compensating, dare I even say masking, its structural problem. I have run it through college competitive swimming, mountain biking and road biking, hiking, running, canoeing, white water rafting, and last and most importantly, carried precious cargo four separate times without any hesitancy.

More often than not, it has exceeded my expectations with its performance in race situations. It still fired when it is running low on fuel and the engine is overheating. It delivered all that I have asked of it and more.

The frame, although it is not straight, it is the same bent frame that has done all of the wonderful things in the past and with a little TLC and some rebuilding, it will continue to race through life. It can and will race because the engine and computer are not damaged ~because it is me.