roads I travel

For more than 6 months I have stalked -- oops I mean read many triathlon/life related blogs on the Internet. My trip down the "dark side" started out innocently enough. I started training for triathlons as my chosen sport, not just a way to cross train for marathons, and I was searching for some motivation, support, validation, and perhaps a local training partner to accompany me on my journey. I did find motivation and support from some "friends"(blogs). However, I did not find a local training partner, perhaps a blessing for him/her, considering the title of my blog, but I digress.



Mr. Spie, tired of me relating stories about people I have never met and a little concerned over my need to follow the training "soap operas" of the blogs I read daily, hinted that I had an addicition and had often joked that the next step in my addiction of blog reading is blog writing. Not one to disappoint, here I am composing a blog.


For about a week, I have had my blog formatted-- ready to write. During those seven days and most significantly right now I have come to realize that the process of writing a blog is certainly harder than reading blogs. While it initially seems that it would be simple to put your world (thoughts and feelings included) into black and white, it truly is more complicated than that. Many of the blogs that I read are insightful, inspirational, or a way to humorously escape for a moment or two from daily life. Right now, as I am parked in front of the computer, simultaneously trying to write and ignore my children, I have realized that I am terrified by the power of the blog. I am currently doubting my ability to inspire, be insightful, or even entertain anyone other than my children. I do not have a 100% success rate with them. (See above comment about currently ignoring them).


Additionally, once you hit that orange publish post button, you are putting yourself out there for people to relate to, judge, complement, criticize, etc.... This is very hard to wrap my brain around as I vehemently dislike phoning in any take out order and rarely will use any kind of drive-thru for fear of being judged purely on my speech (or ordering ability). When given a choice between phone and face, face wins every single time. Now I am venturing in a forum that I will be judged on thoughts, feelings, and writing ability with no face to face interaction possible? What am I thinking?


My oldest daughter was recently asked to join a competition gymnastics team at her gym. We had one "no obligation" week to try on the training schedule and see how it fit with our lives and school. At the end of the week, I asked her if she liked it and and if she wanted to continue with team or go back to recreational gymnastics. She thought about it for a while and said that she really liked it, but she wanted to go back to recreational gymnastics. Mystified, I asked her why. Her answer was because it is hard. After further discussion, she decided that she would give it a try for a couple months and we would re-evaluate again at the first of the year.


I am now following in my daughter's footsteps and attempting to do something that I like, joining a blogging community that I enjoy and has given me much, that is entertwined with something that will be hard, letting down my guard and putting real self out there for all to see.


Let's hope the re-evaluation process at the first of the year goes well for my daughter and for me.