In-tro-spec-shun

Well, my solitary and confinement sentence has been served. I was released last night around 8:00 p.m. During my brief foray into communication lock down, I had plenty of time for "thinkun" and apparently I am not too deep because this is a sampling what I was pondering last week:

1. Door to door school fundraisers – Why can’t they sell what I want (or at least what I need at the time)? The other day a neighborhood child came to our door to selling candy bars to raise money for their high school band. I, being the incredibly mean person that I am (according to my husband), turned her down under the guise that I had no money. I truly didn’t. I only had $4.00 which was allotted towards hot lunch for my children for the next week. Even if I had money, I would not have purchased a candy bar. As a rule, I do not eat candy and although I do allow my children to have candy on occasion, I certainly would not purchase them a $4.00 candy bar as they would not savor it. The bar would be inhaled in a matter of seconds. I doubt that it would be tasted.

Cost per child per second of entertainment : $1.00

--and the sugar after effect is certainly not priceless.

Why can’t there be door to door sales of things I actually want: NUUN, Body Glide, Granola or some sort of nutrition bar? Or need (so I don’t have to take the unruly lot to the store): toilet paper, paper towels, Cool Whip, quart milk, loaf of bread, and a stick of butter…. Imagine door to door paper goods sales people – I would so be on top of that!

2. Why is it physically impossible for me to ride my bike with my mouth shut? I tried to ride with my mouth shut. It just doesn’t work.

3. On a related note, why does my nose run the minute I sit on my bike? It doesn’t just drip. It is a veritable faucet for my entire ride and stops immediately when I dismount the bike.

4. Are #2 and #3 related somehow?

5. Why was I panic stricken on Thursday during my bike ride when I realized that I was going to arrive home 10 minutes later than I told the babysitter? Although I am sure that it increased my MPH average, I was pedaling like I stole my bike and a pack of wild coyotes were chasing me. I am paying the babysitter to watch my children. They are going to get paid for the time I am late. Why do I feel beholden to a 13 year old?

6. Why, when I was buttering up myself for Thursday’s ride with Chamois Butter, did I feel like I was doing something morally wrong?

7. If I tested my treadmill to see if it was calibrated wrong, would it change they way I do any of my training? Would it just be an ego experiment?

8. How would I feel if it was actually calibrated correctly? Is ignorance (or believing in the tales I tell myself) truly bliss?

9. Why don't they make technical shirts or running/biking shorts with small terry cloth patches on the back so I have a very absorbent pad to wipe my sweat, drool (see #2), or nose drippies (#3) when I run or ride?

10. At what age do you become "okay" with public nudity?

At Y, I am very modest. All of my actions revolve around exposing as little flesh as possible. All of the older swimming ladies walk around completely nude, talk to each other nude, talk to me nude. I find myself uncomfortable for them. At what age do you stop clinging to the towel?

11. Can eating half of the loaf of banana bread count as a serving of fruits or vegetables for the day?

12. When did my sense of smell become so warped?

Recently, I passed by a woman in a store that was wearing Sunflowers perfume. I used to love that scent. Now, I found it a bit overpowering -- dare I say offensive. The other day when I was riding, I kept smelling something. The scent was following me. The scent was annoying me. I finally figured out that it was my sunscreen's "light and clean" scent (that, my friends, is up to interpretation). Now contrast this to the fact on more than one occasion I have run short of time and had to just "throw on some clothes and deodorant" after a 1.5 to 1.75 hour trainer ride and take my daughters to gymnastics. My scent, which I am positive is offensive to others, is unperceivable to me.

Now that Mr. Spie is home safe and sound, I have someone to discuss these important issues with. Once these are solved I am sure that the economy will turn around, our deficit will immediately decrease, the auto industry and banking industry will be saved, and it will be the end of global warming.

Well, probably not, but at least I will not have to all of my training indoors and that is one pressing problem solved in my book.