Hit Me

This past Friday I had a startling revelation.

My race is almost here.

Now, you think I would be giddy, jumping for joy, doing cartwheels in the street with as much whining and complaining that I have done.

You would be wrong.

The panic alarm went off on Friday morning after my swim. Being the ultra-organized (read: type A, anal, obsessive/compulsive, control freak ~ you pick the adjective) person that I am, I write all of my swim workouts on index cards and double zip lock bag them to keep them tidy, dry, and accessible on the pool deck. At 5 a.m. in the morning I am not lucent enough to memorize a swim workout and to be honest, if I did have it memorized I would still like to study it between sets just to make I am clear about what I should do next (read: to rest more).

My swim on Friday was the last workout of the week, so I needed to switch the card. Imagine my shock when I realized that I only have TWO cards left.

Dealer…I need another card.

Physically, I can say with 93.08 % certainty that I have done all that I should to successfully complete my race. I have run over 13 miles several times (including two race situations), I have swam over 1.2 miles (including two 2 mile swims: one in a pool and one in open water), I have biked over 56 miles on several occasions. I have met all the distances in workouts. I have bricked long and short. The physical preparation is done.

Now, I need the extra cards(weeks) to work on my mental preparation.

I think that the mental preparation is the hardest. And if you are a faithful blog reader, you know that I have struggled with the mental aspect of the race throughout my training.

Last year, my race season was quite disappointing due to an injury. Of the 5 races I planned (4 sprint, one Olympic), I was only able to complete 1 and 2/3rds of my sprint races. This year, I have signed up to race two HIMs. Quite a big jump, eh? From sprints to HIMs?

I wasn’t thinking that when I signed up, now I am beginning to question my sanity.

In addition, I am always doubting my ability.

I have a friend who is my "go to" guy for biking. When I started to train for triathlons, I would always ask him questions about training, cadence, trainers, etc. I even sent him pictures of the bikes that I was looking to purchase for his opinion. In my head, I would be a decent rider if I could keep up with him. I finally got the confidence to ask him to ride with me a few weeks ago (as I have read that you learn to ride faster by riding with faster people), his response was met with a sigh of relief as he was unable to ride with me.

This past Sunday, I had my last long brick on tap. I decided to ride in his neighborhood as I was bored with my own and he had shared some of his favorite routes with me. As I was slowing down for a stop sign, my friend pulled along side me. I asked him if his intention was to hunt me down and humiliate me for he knew I was riding in his 'hood today. He replied that he wasn't and then I told him I was going to jump on his tire and draft him.

Not only did I draft him, I actually was able to ride along side him for a large part of the ride and because I was determined not to get dropped, I exceeded my highest mph ever on my bike.

Even today, I am not allowing myself to acknowledge my riding improvements as a tiny voice in my head keeps telling me that he was taking it easy on me~that he was not riding full tilt because he did not want to drop me.

Now, here is something else to make your head spin.

Yes, I doubt my abilities, but I also desire more than "just finishing" for all of my races. Based on my results from my indoor triathlons, half-marathon, and open water swim, I want to do well, certainly not podium, but mid-pack. I have my goals (A --the realistic time B-- Would really be nice, C -- the penultimate) posted in my training log.

What I need now is my game plan (and my poker face) for when I go over and the house wins.....

and that my friends is why I desire another card.